At "Brooklynbretta, an axis of the new scooter scene."

I notice beautiful Asian women all the time. It’s like once you have a Volkswagen, you start to see Volkswagens everywhere.

From MSNBC:

"There are a couple of disturbing stories we would like to discuss from our Terror File."

"The only one that doesn’t ask questions is that cheeseburger."

Yesterday I caught myself thinking, "This microwave is taking too long."

Rachael Ray has a show on Food Network where she shows how to eat in a city for $40 a day. I’ve done NYC on $30 a week. Show me how to do it for $1.50 a day, R. R. 

Please?

My horoscope for today:

"You will be able to acquire something you’ve wanted for a long time."

I get spam email viruses with subject lines like: "RE: 8". Have any of you ever sent an email with the subject: "8"? I doubt it. "9" maybe, but certainly not "8".

I’ve noticed that rappers and R&B guys like to talk about doin’ it all night long.

But have you tried having sex all night long? It gets boring. You get tired. Legs and backs and other things get sore. It’s really not all that fun. Lots of water, etc.

I think that one hour is a respectable, and achievable, goal. Finish up and read a book, or something.

All the pleasure, none of the guilt.

"Where do all your jokes come from?"
“I don’t know. Where does Led Zeppelin I come from?"
“In terms of creativity, are you comparing your little jokes to Led Zeppelin I?"

Maybe.

I’m single. Summer is almost here. And women are wearing almost nothing. It’s a great combination.

Up here, everything is "mad".

"Mad fun." "Mad hot." She’s "mad fine". That crazy dude is "mad mad".

"I ain’t got no money, but I’m rich on personality."

Please stop saying:

"How ’bout them apples?"

We have Air Therapy "Original Orange" in our practice space. The label says it’s USDA Accepted. Not USDA Approved.

What does this mean?

This is now normal to me:

A woman on the street yelling: "Get your black ho ass out of here."

This girl/woman/chick that I work with was talking about her ex-boyfriend, and I thought, "One day I’m gonna be your ex-boyfriend."

Even though you make me do things that I don’t want to do…

Beer, I can’t stay mad at you.

This was said to me last night by a lady:

"Give a woman flowers and she’ll give you the world."

I’ve always wanted my own world.

I’m sure you know that Almond Joy has nuts and Mounds don’t.

Well, sometimes the subway stations smell like urine and sometimes they don’t.

You can buy any movie on the street here before the release date…

"Hey, would you like to go with me to see Kung Fu Hustle?"

"At my apartment?"

It was 77 degrees in NYC yesterday, and people were still wearing coats.

Today I saw some artsy folks walking around handing out fliers and they were wearing buttons that read: "Save The Artists".

From what? Huge egos and inflated senses of importance.

It should have read: "Save The Artists From Themselves".

and it’s finally Speedo weather!

I need to get mine out of storage.

I was on the subway, or as those of us fortunate enough to live in New York City say, the train.

And I had my moody iPod on shuffle. I have a few strange "various artists" albums for reasons I won’t go into here.

Anyway, the song "Slow Hand" came on. ("I want a man with a slow hand…etc.) I didn’t realize I was singing until I looked up and about ten people were looking at me.

With various expressions of amusement, disgust and anger.

I saw a guy with a button that read: "No One Died When Clinton Lied".

True. But it seems kind of irrelevant. We can’t re-elect Clinton. It’s like a button that reads: "No One Died When Millard Fillmore Lied".

Or maybe some did. I don’t know. That’s not my point.

Today I saw a man pull his pants and underwear all the way down to use the urinal. Seemed a little overkill to me.

"Are you lying to me?"

"Baby, why would I stop now?"

I love the internet because I can simultaneously talk to my girlfriend and look at lesbian porn. And so can she.

"I am just a dreamer, but you are just a dream. You could have been anyone to me."

-Neil Young

The other day I was in McDonalds and I ordered two (2) cheeseburgers and small fries. The lady handed me the burgers and then turned to her colleague and said, "Homey says small fry."

Flavored toilet paper.

On a hair dryer:

"Warn children of the risk of death by electric shock."

Kids, gather ’round. I want to tell you a little story about death by electric shock.

Do they mean in relation to their product? Or is this general advice?

Often I can’t remember if something happened or if it was a dream.

I hope it’s not a brain cancer related problem.